The comedian, unprompted, swore that he would “would give you all my money, stick my dick in a blender, and swear off pussy for the rest of my life in exchange for this” experience
Drew Carey isn’t the same man he was before he attended his first Phish concert. The psychedelic rock band’s shows are trippy enough on their own, but they recently completed a run of shows at the new Las Vegas Sphere venue, a wholly immersive location with LED screens for walls. That twisted combination triggered a rebirth in the comedian.
“I swear I just talked to God,” Carey posted on X (formerly Twitter) after the show. “Would give you all my money, stick my dick in a blender, and swear off pussy for the rest of my life in exchange for this. Bro I met God tonight for real. I feel like I just got saved by Jesus no lie.”
Somehow, it got ever more intense, detailed, and NSFW from there. “This is what it must feel like to cum with a pussy Because if it’s even close I’m flaying to wherever tomorrow and getting the best pussy money can buy,” Carey continued. “I don’t need to be a man no more of [sic] it means I can feel like this all the time Fucking keep it bro if I can get this feeling instead That was God at work or something Like it felt like I was being saved by Jesus no lie.”
Some people who came across the post understandably thought that the comedian might have been hacked — because there’s no possible way anyone is this excited about Phish. But when Carey later appeared as a guest on the Taylor Tomlinson-hosted game show, After Midnight, his raving continued.
“So I saw Phish at the Sphere this weekend. Never saw Phish, didn’t know a Phish tune. And they [bleep] blew my mind off so hard. I thought to myself, I had a bunch of girls with me, and I thought to myself, ‘Is this what it’s like to [bleep] with a [bleep]?’” he said. “People that were there can verify, 100 percent true, this is what it’s like: It was like being edged for four days straight. And right before the face-melting climax at the end of the fourth day, an angel comes down from heaven, Gabriel, and he shoots [bleep] heroin in your arm, and he says ‘Good luck now, [bleep]!’ and he leaves and then you have an orgasm for 15 minutes while your eyeballs fall out of your head.”
Well. We’re glad he had a good time.