Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone except these creeps.
Over the years, horror films have served up a number of truly iconic characters. But for every standout performance, there are several obnoxious, reprehensible, and/or self-serving characters that we remember for all the wrong reasons. So, with that in mind, I’m looking back on a series of key players from horror cinema that don’t really deserve a card, candy, or a soulmate to spend Valentine’s Day with. Setting aside the fact that many of these characters didn’t actually survive the films in which they appeared, I think each of the characters below would benefit from spending this February 14th alone. My hope is that each of them will learn how to love themselves so they can someday be in a position to receive love from others.
Trent from Friday the 13th
Trent needs to recognize that the world doesn’t revolve around him and that there’s more to life than being rich and spoiled. Furthermore, the selfish playboy should take care to remember that perfect nipple placement doesn’t excuse stepping out on the person to whom you’ve given your heart. Trent is incorrigible and will probably never learn. But perhaps spending this Valentine’s Day alone will allow him some time to take stock of what’s really important.
Billy Loomis from Scream
Poor Sidney. Billy is bad news. He is damaged and nowhere near ready for a relationship with a woman of her poise and grace. With hindsight being 20/20, perhaps this Valentine’s Day would be a good time for Billy to be alone with his thoughts and ponder the ways in which his violent and selfish actions have hurt the people around him. It’s the least he could do.
Jack Torrance from The Shining
Though he is an iconic character with some highly quotable dialogue, Jack Torrance wasn’t a nice person. Based on what transpires while he’s at The Overlook Hotel and the abuse he reportedly subjected his family to prior, he doesn’t deserve candy hearts, boxes of chocolate, helium balloons, or any of the traditional fanfare. Come to think of it, I’d say Jack Torrance deserves to be left out in the cold this February 14th.
Mrs. Carmody from The Mist
Mrs. Carmody is a special kind of villain. Her words are weaponized and her religious convictions are as dangerous as a nuclear warhead. My advice to her would be to spend this Valentine’s Day alone and remember that actions have consequences and that according to the biblical text she so frequently looks to, only God can judge.
Franklin from Texas Chain Saw Massacre
Franklin is a bit of a pessimist and that’s presumably one of the reasons he’s single. Navigating life with a disability is probably very complex and, on that front, I have a great deal of empathy for him. But given that he is unbelievably stubborn and his outlook is quite negative, I dare say Franklin is not in the right frame of mind to give or receive love. So, perhaps Franklin will spend this Valentine’s Day practicing self-care, remembering that to be loved, one must first remember to love himself.
Carol from One Dark Night
Carol is a nerdle brain and doesn’t seem to understand that love is a two-way street where one must set aside their selfish desires in favor of altruistic sacrifice. When she discovers the meaning of being selfless, only then will she be ready for love. When she can be happy for Julie (the young woman she plans to initiate into her sorority) and Steve (her ex who has taken up with Julie), rather than resentful, perhaps she will find a suitable mate that appreciates her quirks and overlooks her flaws. For now, I think Carol is best suited spending the holiday solo as she works at becoming her best self.
Margaret White in Carrie
Stephen King has a real knack for crafting a villain driven by religious fanaticism. And Margaret White is one more great example of that. Ms. White is a major busybody with a hateful heart. But with the aid of some major deprogramming, perhaps she could one day be in the right frame of mind to find love. Until then, she should probably spend Valentine’s Day by herself, learning why ‘dirty pillows’ are natural, normal, and even have the potential to provide significant pleasure to those able to open their minds and think freely.
Who would you like to see fly solo on Valentine’s Day? Be sure to let us know your thoughts on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
Categorized: Editorials News
:quality(85):upscale()/2023/05/11/976/n/1922564/782262e2645d6b967847b4.74342194_.png)
