Ho! Ho! Horror!
So Christmas just may be the real season of horror. With a strange old man crawling down your chimney, eating your food… watching your every action and putting you on a list?! And your kids sitting in his lap in shopping malls, giving him a list of merch for his sweat shop to crank out? That’s creepier than anything Halloween has to offer! Animated piles of snow. The Nutcracker!?! That word alone makes me cringe.
Horror News and Dark Matter TV decided to run down some spectacularly evil holiday movies to check out while you’re schnockered on spiked egg nog and stale candy canes…
“The Gingerdead Man”: Two words…Gary Busey. The ashes of an executed mass murderer make their way into a gingerbread spice mix (trust me, far scarier things happen at Chipotle) and as so often is the case, the resulting gingerbread man cookie become animated with the evil soul of the deceased convict (Busey). It’s a tale of love, murder and holiday pastries that will renew your lack of faith.
“Silent Night, Bloody Night”: At the forefront of the slasher genre, this 1972 flick reveals that a mansion (and former mental hospital) listed at $50,000 likely has more than some deferred maintenance issues. With a gaggle of Andy Warhol friends in the cast, the victims meet their death at the hands of an axe wielding psycho. And one really understands the holiday notion that it is truly better to give, than to receive.
Mother Krampus 2: Slay Ride: Because Cleveland in December doesn’t suck enough, yet another axe murder (this time, a Bible-quoting senior citizen) adds to the blizzardy misery taking on 4 women committed to community service. Shout out for a standout performance by “the Scream Queer” Roger Conners as “Lady Althea Slay”… proving you can’t spell “slaughter” without “laughter”
Lastly, Santa Claus Versus the Martians: By this time in my holiday movie curation, the peppermint schnapps is kicking in, along with the inevitable feelings of Charlie Brown Christmas-induced existentialism/nihilism. To restore that dextroamphetamine-like cheer, it’s this flick! With all the creepiness of the My Pillow Guy, Santa Claus helps pull this movie to the IMDB “Bottom 100 List”. Just trust me… you will watch it, and you will hunt me down for recommending it. My work is done.
Well…‘Tis the season…with no f$%*kin’ reason! Catch these flicks and more on Dark Matter TV streaming on VIZIO Channel 257 on the 18th and 25th and anytime on the Dark Matter TV app!
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