This kind of stuff never happens with gift cards.
Bad gifts can happen to the best of us when we are least expecting them. The kind of gift where there was no thought behind it. We end up wanting to repurpose it at a dumpster on the way home. While we might feel a certain way about the fuzzy and confusing clothing items, at least it (hopefully) did not try to kill us. Because the gifts in this streaming guide absolutely chose violence. Let us see how our gift with our name misspelled stacks up against these items from hell!
The Advent Calendar (2021)
Where You Can Watch: Shudder
Eugénie Derouand as Eva – The Advent Calendar – Photo Credit: JEAN-CLAUDE LOTHER/Shudder
Eva’s friend gives her a weird Advent Calendar for her birthday. Instead of booze or chocolate, the calendar gives bigger treats or deadly tricks depending on its mood. I thought the movie was a creepy mysterious good time aside from the sexual assault scene. That was upsetting for so many reasons, and we should make sure we give that content warning when we recommend it to people.
The Game (1997)
What do you give the man that has everything? Problems. Conrad (Sean Penn) gifts Nicholas (Michael Douglas) a voucher for a game that turns his life upside down. Nicholas soon finds himself fighting for his life and suspecting a bigger conspiracy at play. This David Fincher movie caught Douglas in the late ‘90s when it seemed like he was playing the same character in various movies.
The Game leaves Netflix on December 31st.
Where You Can Watch: HBOMax
A kooky dad steals the original Furby as a Christmas gift for his adult son that still lives at home. They accidentally throw water on it, and it spawns evil Furbies that terrorize the town. The critters are cute and fun. Orientalism is not. Neither is the way it glides over this guy stealing a living thing for his grown son.
The Possession (2012)
A divorced dad buys an antique box for his kid instead of being a more present parent. Of course, the box unleashes a dybbuk that causes his good kid to go off the rails. This movie was fun enough and will hopefully make people rethink gifting things found in garage sales. Also, as a bonus, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Kyra Sedgwick play the divorced parents.
Trilogy of Terror
Where You Can Watch: Amazon Prime
This is a popular anthology, and the last story happens to fit this theme. In “Amelia,” a woman buys a racist Zuni hunter doll for her boyfriend’s birthday. When the chain accidentally comes off of it, the doll chooses violence. The story is shot as a one-woman play and is by far the best story of three. If this is a first watch then be warned that the first story contains a sexual assault situation that is kind of glossed over.
Wish Upon (2017)
A man who dumpster dives instead of processing his grief gives a weird box he found to his daughter. The girl accidentally finds out the box makes her wishes come true, but it also kills people. I wish I could say she wished for better things than a boyfriend and being popular, but this is a PG-13 horror movie. The dad is played by Ryan Phillippe in a weird beard situation that reminds me how old we all are now.
Did I miss any gifts that would get immediately returned? Let me know at @misssharai.